Monday, May 11, 2009

The Great Asparagus Urine Experiment!

As you probably already know, asparagus can have strange after-effects in the bathroom. I believe I am one of the most susceptible people to this urine odor phenomenon. You can smell my asparagus pee all through the house after I munch on some of these little green odor missiles. I could fumigate our second floor just from having a few spears in a salad. If you don't believe me you can ask Sean, he refuses to come near me after I eat it.

I have decided that my acute sensitivity to asparagus is a calling. I will, nay, I must, use my body in an experiment to find a cure. I will conduct a desperate search to find something that will neutralize the smell of asparagus pee. My body and the house will smell sort of like liquid vitamins and chicken noodle soup until I make my discovery.

The test will work like this, I eat asparagus then I eat/drink something that I think will reduce the odor in my pee. I will then rate the effect of each on this blog.

Control Group Findings.
Control meal- Asparagus in a salad with goat cheese, red onion, beets, cucumber balsamic vinaigrette
7:15- Consumed salad
8:45- Bathroom break #1, odor present not deadly
10:15- Bathroom break #2, odor pungent and lingering
1:10 am- bathroom break #3- odor slightly less pungent but still lingering
9:00 am- next morning bathroom trip- Odor still evident, less pungent but noticeably there

Week #1- Will Hard Alcohol reduce the effects?
Theory: Drinking liquor will dehydrate me and get all the odor out right away.
Meal- Salad with asparagus, goat cheese, red onion, tomato, cucumber, zucchini and balsamic vinaigrette
Neutralizer- 2 Whiskey Drinks.
8:20- Consumed Salad
9:13- Bathroom break #1- slight smell, I would compare this to the normal reaction a person may have to Asparagus
10:57- Bathroom Break #2- Very Pungent and Lingering. (Sean used the bathroom after me and yelled "This is gross; what the hell is wrong with you?")
1:00 am- Bathroom Break #3- Fading smell with staying power
9:00 am- morning bathroom trip- no scent
Conclusion: Drinking Whiskey forces most of the smell out in one pass but not enough to declare it a success.

If you have any ideas you want me to try go ahead and suggest them. If it won't kill me I will try it. My goal is to solve this age old pissing problem and share it with the world!


Monsieur Fun said...

Try drinking Drano mixed with Clorox bleach along with your asparagus. Either that, or accept a cupcake from Jimmy Ogden (Sean will clarify).

light said...

Smell is caused by dimethyl sulfide.
The bleach might actually work - just don't drink it. Using a 3% bleach and water solution (check the label on your bottle) - leech the asparagus overnight before cooking. Use only mature asparagus tips (the big fat ones) as opposed to the tasty, sweet, young ones (they have more sulfur). Thoroughly wash the tips in fresh water. Soak for 15 minutes in clear water, rinse again, then cook. A few minutes in a microwave should do it (actually, a minute might do it).
No garlic in the butter. Adds sulfur.
A little vinegar would be nice, very little.

Paul in PDX said...

My wife and I went out to dinner last night to Mortons Steakhouse. One of the dishes came with 3 sprigs of asparagus. We also had sautéed Brussel Sprouts, Chopped salad with diced tomatoes, cucumber, onions and blue cheese.

We each also had a filet and shared a chocolate mousse for good measure. My dish also had shrimp and scallops.

We each went pee in the middle of the night, and almost simultaneously noted that our pee didn't stink!

We were both surprised and thankful as I think it m right up there with you in fumigating the entire house!

Peeing this morning, again, nothing!

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